Athan: Welcome back to another installment of [aggressively] THE GROTTO! I… don’t like that voice. Thank you for listening to The Grotto, this is Episode 2. Uh, appreciate everybody for being here and for supporting. If you like the episodes, please go visit our website thegrottopod.com, which has links to our social medias, as well as some other… stuff, and most of the ARG elements are there. If you really like what you’re listening to I mean, really really like, I mean you like-like it, you should go visit our patreon: patreon.com/thegrottopod, which has behind the scenes, instrumentals, as well as the episode song released early for each episode, cause each episode has a song that… is associated to it. I’d like to thank our four newest patrons AKA our only patrons [x] and Athan’sMusic, whoever the fuck that is. I appreciate every one of you and… enjoy.

Athan: Warning: This episode contains some depictions of Gore and Violence, as well as Claustrophobic mentions. It also contains some loud noises, timestamps in the description. I think that might be it. Enjoy.

Emily: [Exhales.] Hi Matt, Emily here. Uhh… I’m not really sure why I’m recording this. I don’t expect anybody to listen to it, especially not you, but I uh, I wanna make sure I don’t lose track of all that’s happening to me. This is for me to revisit… later, and it’s easier to talk to you than to myself so… God. It’s been a while hasn’t it. I joined a support group, after the crash. Um… I’d already found closure… or at least I believed I had. But, talking to people… I don’t know… felt like the healthy, mature, adult maybe, thing to do. Some bullshit like that. Maybe someone could give me answers I didn’t know I needed. I was… wrong. A lot of people knew you from before, when you went to get clean. So… I bounced off that fast and did what I do best. I dove right the fuck into work. You always did say I should probably slow down a little bit and like, hey, who needs sleep? Not me. We both know this. I got a job with the city, officially I’m the Director of Planning and Development Services. It sounds pretty important but, honestly I just kinda act as an advisor for city council when it comes to the development and land codes. Not exactly glamorous but uh, it keeps me focused elsewhere. I’m pretty happy with how well I’ve been picking up the pieces, I have to admit. I’ve become accustomed to the peace of this new life. This new…rhythm. Sure, the rhythm is becoming predictable and I Fucking Hate predictable but, it is a… it’s a soothing sort of predictability. You would hate it, and if I ever told you I felt that way you would make fun of me mercilessly.

Okay! [Claps.] Real shit time, no more jokes. Are you ready? I don’t really know why I asked, since you don’t have a choice and it’s not like you could respond anyway. So. I uh… I never told you this, but my parents asked about you a lot. After your episodes, that is. I would brush it off like it was no big deal but if I was being honest with them, I’d have told them you had a personality of a bipolar tornado. [Chuckles.] You had this habit of swooping in and enchanting everyone… and then burning the fucking house down. I saw it happen over and over but I never believed it would catch up with us. Fucking stupid. [Scoffs.] I thought we were different. It seems so… obvious in hindsight. [Sighs.] Anyway… I’m uh, I’m reminiscing, enough of that bullshit. This isn’t like a 90s cartoon or something. I’m avoiding the subject. Why I’m talking to you in the first place. You know that small grotto by 7th and Meadow, the one you kept calling a cave? We debated that thing the whole way home. The difference between a cave and a grotto. God we were in the car for like an hour after we’d been parked in the parking lot. You just would not shut up about how “It was a cave, it was a cave.” It’s not a fucking cave Matt, it’s too small for that, you know that it’s too small for that. I guess you don’t know. You uh- didn’t then and you definitely won’t now. I know it’s silly but, you of all people would have appreciated the lengths I went to to win that argument. It felt like something you would do, and maybe that’s why I did it. Well anyway, I may have abused my new power as city official a bit. Let’s just say it’s now a historical site. It’s called The Grotto.

Emily: [Theme – Hush] So… The Grotto. After making it official, I partnered with this non-profit group to clean up all the graffiti. I’m not gonna say I regret it but, I think you would be disappointed. I think you would’ve really liked the art. I’m there now actually. It’s been an all day project, and the sun is going down. Actually, hang on a second…

Emily (to workers): Hey uhh, why don’t the rest of you all go ahead and call it a day, okay? I’ll wrap up.

Non-Profit Worker: Are ya sure? We don’t mind helping you finish.

Emily: Yeah, no worries, I got this. For real. I’ll scrub off the high ones over there and uh… then it should be a wrap. Pretty easy. At this point it’s a one person project.

Non-Profit Worker: If you’re positive. Thanks Emily. Alright everyone, you heard her. Let’s pack it up.

[Vehicles Leaving.]

Emily: God, I love having power. [Chuckles, then exhales.] Silence at last. This is the kind of place that deserves silence you know? I’ve realized that I’m not much of a team player, crazy concept I know. I get all the teamwork platitudes; none of us is as good as all of us, you can’t whistle a symphony, yadda yadda yadda bullshit, fuckin’ whatever. But if I wanna find my peace the fastest way is to get some work done without worrying what other people are doing, and if they’re doing it correctly. My way is the right way always and forever. Ugh, okay… Here comes the hard part. It’s going to sound like I’m losing it, like put me on the front page of a Florida newspaper sort of losing it, but I promise I’m not and I trust you, so hear me out. I’ve been… seeing you, more… lately. I mean… okay. I’ve been having nightmares, since the crash. And in them we are always falling… and I look over and I see you clutching the wheel, I smell mint gum, feel the cold glass, I can hear the sound of water rushing into the car. Ugh, okay that diamond is higher than I thought. [Straining noises.] Okay, guess I gotta commit an OSHA violation. Gonna go ahead use this ladder without a spotter. Don’t tell on me, okay?

[Ladder dragging across the ground.]

[Emily climbing the ladder.]

Emily: Here we go, coming off now. Ugh I didn’t realize this was going to be so much work. Almost done. Okay phew, I’m not cut out for hard work. [Chuckles.] Why’d I sign up for this? Okay. Well um, how do I put this? My point is, since going back to work, I find myself back there, in the nightmare, but… it’s- ugh, it’s not always when I sleep. It creeps up on me when I least expect it. Usually when I’m zoned out in my work or when I’m feeling relaxed, something like that. And before I know it I’m… right there, right back in the nightmare. I do miss you Matt. I really fucking do, but I need to move on. I need to move on and I know thats the truth and I fucking hate it. But, I can’t live in those nightmares forever. I thought going back to work was the next step in moving on, but it’s been more like three steps backwards, one step forward. You always worked hard to get my attention, and it feels like you never stopped. Even after-

Stranger [loudly]: The hell are you doin’?!

Emily: Jesus!

[Sound of Emily falling from the ladder.]

{Echoes – Matt: The vibrations can make the cave collapse, The vibrations can make the cave collapse. (A note.) Me to live without and you stuck- and you stuck without. I laid down on the floor and tied my bag around my ankle. (A note.) I reminded myself- (Rough but Slick.) -ankle. I reminded myself- (Rough but Slick.) I reminded myself- (Rough but Slick.) Air in my lungs and pushed forward, David laid down on the ground and walked, David laid down on the ground and walked me through the steps, about 8 inches tall, I was in The Grotto, I Was in The Grotto…}

[Song – Stumble Into You (Emily’s Verses)]

Emily: Oh fuck. Ow… What the fuck? What was that?

Stranger (overlapping): Hey. Are you alright?

Emily: God my head.

Stranger (overlapping): That was a nasty fall, you’re bleedin’

Emily: How long was I out?

Stranger: Eh, not long, a minute tops.

Emily: Are.. are you sure, it kinda felt longer than that. I saw… n-nevermind.

Stranger: So, back to my question–what are you doing here?

Emily: Uh- um, I was… I was cleaning up the graffiti, I tried to get to the high one and… well, then you showed up. What- you! What the Fuck! What’s your problem? Why were you yelling at me?

Stranger: It’s just… excessive to erase all of it like this.

Emily: Excessive? What do you mean? The Grotto is a historical site now. Not some underground art gallery. Unauthorized marking of a public space is illegal.

Stranger: But it wasn’t some delinquent acting out here, this was a memorial.

Emily: A memorial? A memorial for what?

Stranger: The departed.

Emily: Ominous… I uh, I didn’t know.. but, if someone wants to memorialize the dead they have other options. I’ve lost too you know, God. But I don’t handle it by defacing public property.

Stranger: {But some of those were fresh!} And you need to leave it long enough so that it can be read.

Emily: What? For who? Who to read? What are you even talking about?

Stranger: Pff, forget it, you should get your head looked at.

Emily: Um, I guess. Wait, where are you going?

Stranger: I need to go. After what you did I have to start all over.

Emily: Oh, you need to go? Okay sure, I guess. Dont worry about me, the wounded woman right here, whatever. She might be bleeding out but I guess it’s not important. I’ll just take care of myself then.

Stranger: Yup. That’s a good idea.

Emily: What? Okay alright, whatever, fine. Thanks for the conversation… and the concussion. Fucking asshole. Sneaks up, startles me into slamming my head and then just walks off like I offended him? God, Ow, My head hurts. I don’t think Tylenol is gonna fix this one. Why are people like this? And he’s gonna go re-graffiti the whole place so nothing I did today matters… ugh. Ow… dang, okay. I have a feeling I need to get this sterilized. I uhh… I think I have a first aid kit in my backpack. Yeah okay I’ll be right back.

[Cut.]

Emily: Okay so the bleeding stopped… after a bit. Head injuries, man. No nausea, or light sensitivity… so hopefully no concussion, just a massive fucking headache. It’s a good thing home is within walking distance. I’m… really not in a condition to drive, I don’t think. And normally I wouldn’t care but this feels a little bit more serious, and uhh… after what happened, I have been, maybe a bit more cautious while driving, recently. I’ll… come back for my car tomorrow. So, it happened again. After I fell off the ladder I uhh… I felt like I was continuing to fall… somewhere else. But this time it wasn’t a nightmare. I’m… pretty sure I heard your voice, and then I saw you in the darkness. It looked like you were in a cave somewhere, super deep underground. Why would I see that? It’s so… specific, it’s so vivid. Also, completely ridiculous. There’s no way in hell you’d be caught dead in a cave. Oh. Uh, well… Poor choice of words maybe, sorry. I uh, I can’t stop thinking about that asshole. What do you think he meant by the graffiti needing to be read. Were those… supposed to be a message, maybe? He said it was some kinda memorial. I don’t know, it’s like he was… trying to communicate with the dead. Did I… interrupt some elaborate seance or something? God, I hope not. I guess I of all people shouldn’t be poking fun at him. It’s… not so different from what I’m doing right now, I guess. But at least I’m doing it in a cool way, I’m using technology.

[Loud computer noises, beeps and such.]

Emily: I’ve been keeping myself busy, trying to forget the void that you’ve left. Clearly, it’s not working. The way I’ve been seeing you is probably my subconscious doing a shit job of helping me process my emotions. Losing you, and finding a way to keep you with me. But, as crazy as it sounds, I can’t shake the feeling that somehow, you are trying to hold on. I started these recordings for myself but, maybe I should make something for you, instead of trying to forget. I dunno, maybe a way I can let you know I’m alright, and if you want to… hold on, maybe that’s… okay, too. God is that crazy, am I crazy? I don’t think I care. If I’m not moving on, I can still move forward, with you still a part of me. It’s honestly stupid to think I could erase you from my life Matt. You were… such a big part. I started writing letters to you after the crash. It helped me process the grief. I… can’t really remember why I stopped. Maybe another letter will reach you better than these recordings? Hmm… you know? Maybe I shouldn’t have ragged on that asshole for his old fashioned methods – power of the written word and all that. God. It feels absurd to treat the Grotto like a spiritual post office, but I felt you here so it’s worth a shot, right?

[Ladder dragging across the ground.]

[Paper rustling.]

Emily (Letter): [Pencil scratching on paper.] Hi Matt, it’s me, it’s Emily.

[Song – Stumble Into You (Matt’s Verses)]

Emily: Okay so, full confession: I wrote more than I thought I was going to, and it was- it was definitely a little sappy. If you read it you would probably doubt it was me who wrote it. I’ve never been that great with uhh… verbalizing my feelings, you know? Oh no, you know, I know you do. But it was the truth, and being honest actually felt really good. Do you remember that house we kept looking at online? The one with the cute little blue door that we said we were gonna buy someday? Well, I live there now. [Unlocking noise.] Dream fulfilled. And I was right, by the way, the house does slope and not all the doors are aligned. They don’t all close just right and it’s kind of annoying but, the cottage is kind of charming so I don’t really mind. I know it was your dream to have your own place, and I… wanted you to have that. [Singsongy.] ‘Honey, I’m home!’ Oh, that’s a little sad, isn’t it? I still haven’t unpacked your things. Your family didn’t want anything. I’m not really sure why, but… you never were really that close with them. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I said I did want them, at the time but… I think I really just wanted to want them. You Know? But now I’m glad that I did. Remember that handmade wallet you gave me for my birthday? Okay, well, handmade makes it sound super fancy, it was just duct tape but, I know you made it. On the day that you gave it to me, you reached into the wrong pocket and you handed me your wallet instead of the one you meant to gift me. I was… really confused why your ID and credit cards were an ideal birthday gift. You were so disappointed with my reaction. And then you realized what happened and we had a good laugh about it. It’s… It’s one of my favorite memories of us. I think that interaction was a good summary of our relationship: Misunderstandings, high emotions, quick recovery and a funny memory that lasts forever. Anyway, I’m gonna start carrying it with me again. It’s a little bit worse for the wear but duct tape holds up pretty well, you’d be surprised. Ugh, yeah ow, my headache’s back. I need to go lay down. It’s… been so good talking to you Matt.

{Echoes – Matt: Blood coming from my side. Blood loss. I could still feel the pain from my side. It made sense that I was hallucinating (-from my side) in my final moments (-from my side) and, it makes sense that if I was going to see anybody, (and, it makes sense) I’d see you. A note. A note. You spoke of loss, (you spoke of loss,) losing sanity, (and if I would see anybody,) losing sleep. I felt a kind of fear that I don’t think I’ve ever felt (I felt a kind of fear.) Hey look what I found! [Cave collapsing.] (-ound! [Cave collapsing.]) Right on the edge of the water, was you, (right on the edge of the water.) you were crying. (-confirmed the obvious.) I felt a sharp, hot pain enter my side right- (I felt a sharp, hot pain enter my side) by my seventh rib. Me to live without you and you stuck to mourn me in death -death. A note. It’s from you.}

Emily [Gasping]: Matt! {Echoes – Matt: Me to live without you} Oh god! Did I- Wha- What happened to you? Did I do that?

[Outro – Hush]

Athan: Thank you everybody for listening again, for the second time as opposed to the first time. This is double thanks, two thanks at the same time instead of one thanks. So thank you and thank you. I’d like to give a huge, huge shoutout to Lyssa Jay, as the voice of Emily, who basically carried the entire episode, 90% of this is Lyssa. I’d also like to give a huge shoutout to Derek for being the voice of [redacted.] Did we say his name is [redacted?] I don’t know, actually I don’t know if we said his name is [redacted.] To the voice of the guy in the cave, his name is [redacted,] spoiler. Uh, I’d also like to give a huge shoutout to Taylor, even though they’re not in here, Taylor Michaels, uh who’s still amazing all the time. So, yeah, all the links, everything’s in the description, go do that bye!

[Outro music ends.]

OUTTAKES:

– Lyssa Jay: I wanna make a joke here, I don’t know how to make jokes, guys I’m not funny! {Lyssa Jay Surprised Sound Compilation: Weh! Wah! Uh- hu je-uWAH! Jesus!} Insert Joke here… I don’t fuckin know. [More surprised sounds.]

– Lyssa Jay: And for the concussion!.. Fuckin’ cunt… [Laughs.]Might be a little bit too harsh.

– Lyssa Jay: [Gasp.] There we go. That was good, that was good, that was good.

– Lyssa Jay: I need people to write the jokes for me.

– Lyssa Jay: Maybe I shouldn’t have ragged on that old guy- nope. [Laughs.] He wasn’t old he was just an asshole.

– Lyssa Jay: And if you write the jokes for me then I can jump off of them.

– Lyssa Jay: Ooh volunteer! Who’s gonna be volunteer? Oo ooo-

Athan: Surprise! I forgot to get a volunteer! It was me.

– Lyssa Jay: God I miss you, but I nee-bu-need- [rapid mouth sounds, slurping, etc.] That was atrocious, I’m sorry.

– Athan [The worst southern accent? I don’t even know]: Alright everyone, you heard her, let’s pack it up! [Normally.] Thats fuckin- [CUT.]

– Lyssa Jay: Emily’s kind of a bitch!

– Lyssa Jay: Crazy? I was crazy once, they put me in a room. A rubber room. [Tripping on their words.] The-the-wrub-ber room – with rats!

– Lyssa Jay: Maybe a little bit of character development for you, Mike. Mike… Oh god I just called him Mike

[Cut.]

[Spray painting noises, can rattling, more spraying.]

Stranger: And there ya go. I hope you appreciate the conversation. I’m sure the caverns get lonely. I’ll keep coming back, so long as we’re both getting something out of all this.