Athan: Thank you for listening to and supporting The Grotto. If you like what you’re hearing, please consider visiting my website thegrottopod.com. Additionally you can visit the Patreon, patreon.com/thegrottopod for early access to instrumentals, the theme song for each episode, as well as behind the scenes and some other games and things that we’re going to build as we make this thing… uh-uh go. I’m new to the intro, okay, just- enjoy.

Athan: This episode contains some Loud and Sudden Noises- timestamps in the description. In addition, it also contains some depictions of Gore as well as some Claustrophobia. Listener Discretion… is Advised.

Matt: [exhales] Okay, it’s fine just- [smacks face twice.] It’s fine. You got this Matt, just focus, you got this, just… Alright, here we go. Let me start from the beginning because the last 24 hours have been [pauses, sighs] I’m pretty sure it’ll take me a while to explain. See I’ve gone through some shit recently. It’s… not the kind of shit I’m about to tell you about, I mean just unfortunately, normal. human. shit. Obviously, you- you know about, since, since you’ve been gone, I’ve- I’ve become a little bit of a depressive mess. My- my therapist recommended that I record something, if not for anybody else, for me and so I thought the easiest person to talk to was you and so I thought I’d talk to you. Um, yeah.

Everybody has been bugging me about it when I answer their calls which, until lately has been never. I know they mean well, and nobody is trying to make me feel bad, but I get stuck in these loops where I’m not feeling anything, then I feel bad that I’m not feeling anything, and, it’s not- it’s not important, I’m rambling. The point is David really dove in, helped get me out of my funk and forced me to pick up a hobby so… that’s what I did. I started spelunking. Honestly, I’ve always been interested in it. There’s something about the way rocks look… from the inside? That’s a lie, you know that, I- I hate it. David’s really into it though and considering my hobbies were vodka, coke, and Adderall I figured it’s better if we don’t do my current thing, so.

Oh, right you don’t, know David that well either. So, David’s that guy from work, we- we used to work together, I don’t work there anymore, obviously, but I still go into the restaurant to- uh, I like the food. [sighs.] You liked the food too. David’s into caves and all that outdoorsy stuff. He has one of those Natural rock-climbing bodies with the muscles, and stuff, and I have the opposite of that as you know, which is one of those bodies… without.

Anyway, I’m rambling again. The point is, he convinced me to go exploring. As you know this is the town to do that in because the whole town’s basically one big fucking tunnel. You have the public tunnels, you have the caverns; you have the closed offs; you’ve got the underwater cavern. I mean it’s- if you wanted to do it, no better place to live. I wanted to start… small. So, we went to The Grotto.

Matt: Fuck sorry, you don’t know about The Grotto either so, you know that small cave off of 7th and Meadow right by City Hall? It got declared a “Historic Site” by the city. No shit it’s historic, it’s a fucking cave. It was here before us and it’ll be here after us, unless we, you know… tectonic plates or some bullshit, I don’t know. It’s called The Grotto now. David said it was ridiculous to pack as much as I did but to be honest, I really just wanted to get familiar with the weight of the bag .Plus, you know me, any excuse for retail therapy I’ll take especially if somebody else is paying for it. It never occurred to me how much stuff you need to take with you for cave exploration. There’s the obvious equipment, gloves, rope, flashlight obviously, but there’s way more than that. You know I actually bought a knife and you know me, I’m squeamish. I do not like knives, to be honest I’m surprised 127 Hours didn’t turn me off to the idea of cave exploration entirely, but as awful as it must be {cutting your arm off}, I’m pretty sure James Franco would’ve been a ton worse off if he hadn’t brought a knife and I wasn’t gonna be that guy. You also need a good headlamp, harness, carabiners and just a bunch of other stuff we ended up putting in Davids’s bag.

You know it was silly in hindsight, The Grotto is underwhelmingly small. There aren’t any passageways that aren’t completely sealed at this point and it’s more of a graffiti trap than anything else. On the outside people were putting everything, there was this large dragon, there was symbols, there was names, there was hearts with letters in them signifying love, probably young. On the inside is pretty much the same thing, although I did notice on one of the walls this really cool diamond that I thought about getting on my arm, [sighs.] David said it was stupid… Fuck does David know?

We entered the cave and as I started to wander around, I felt… comforted. I- I thought about how much you would’ve enjoyed it to be honest and I’m really sorry that we didn’t do things like this together. I brushed my hand along the wall of the cave, rough but slick at the same time. It reminded me of the wall of your dorm back in college, how we almost got expelled for painting it. And, you know, it almost smelled like you, no- no, not- not that you smell like caves, I dunno. I got a little emotional, okay? Do you remember when we did shrooms about a year ago? This was… nothing like that, but do you remember the next couple days, how everything felt… current? It felt exactly like that. I’m not trying to say The Grotto was a religious experience for me but I will say I was immediately hooked. Apparently, I fucking love caves, who would’ve known.

Matt: So, we started planning our next outing at the diner. David started, saying:

David: You think the Grotto was cool? Man, you have to come with me to this spot by the bay, it has these beautiful natural formations and there are these pockets where you can just sit for hours, oh-oh oh wait let’s just- let’s go tomorrow, I get off early!

Matt: Okay wait, I just started doing this. Don’t you think I should like, I don’t know, practice more? And, by the bay, aren’t those all… those are all barricaded. I feel like we’re not supposed to go in there like I’m not sure… it’s safe?

David: No no no Matty, it’s fine, it’s fine. They have to block them off, it’s just to avoid liability cause there’s some sections you kinda have to finagle your way through, it’s not a safety thing it’s just… easier, in case some kids hurt themselves. Plus, worst case, I can make sure nothing bad happens to you, I promise. Also, I’ll buy dinner after. [Matt: Okay.] Also just say yes because I asked nicely. [Matt: Okay, fine, fine.] Also just say yes because I asked nicely.

Matt: David, David, it’s fine. I’ll come, it actually sounds like it could be kind of fun.

David: It’s a date! So anyway, I was talking to Violet at work and she was just going on and on about these birds outside…

Matt: Fast Forwarding, the car ride was, shockingly, uneventful. David’s music taste is… not exactly my style. It’s okay but he’s a really big fan of The Doors and, it’s fine, I liked the company. I just like sound in general and just being around people and I haven’t had much of that lately, so I had a good time in hindsight but its o- its whatever. [sighs]

{Whisper: Track.}

Matt: I remember there was an energy in the air when we got out of the car that something wasn’t quite right and David told me that the water level had risen which affected his normal route to get into the cavern. He said he knew of another entrance – he hadn’t really gone through it very much but it’s worth looking into, and we did that. As we took our first steps into the cavern, I realized whatever I had felt in the Grotto, this feeling was the complete opposite. I don’t want to say foreboding cause it sounds cheesy but, it was… foreboding, foreboding’s the word. That’s the word I’m gonna use. We descended into the cave further, David leading the way, the most familiar of the two of us with climbing and the path we were taking. He had started off boisterous like his normal self but, the further we got he started whispering. He warned me,

David [whispering]: The vibrations can make the cave collapse.

Matt: You know David, if you ever end up listening to this, that’s the sort of thing you should mention before we enter the fucking cave, but, anyway. [Sigh.]We reached a section where, to continue, we had to go through a passage that was… small. Absurdly small, smaller than me. I… did not… react well, to be honest, but David assured me it was fine, he had done this before, and he’d teach me how to do it. David laid down on the ground and walked me through the steps. The first thing to do was tie my bag around my ankle, that way I could push through the cavern while still bringing my bag with me, because if I had it on my back I’d be too big to fit through. He told me to move on the exhales, that way as little of my body was filled up with oxygen as possible so I would fit better. He told me to feel my heartbeat, that way I didn’t panic and he told me to clear my mind so I didn’t freeze.

[Heartbeat sound begins.]

{Whisper: Steps.}

Matt: I expelled all the air in my lungs and pushed forward. Pause. Breathe. Repeat. This went on for about a minute, until I reached the end. [End of heartbeat.] David emerged behind me and we had entered a new section of the cave. There was a large rumbling outside. We couldn’t be too far from the surface and it sounded like a storm had begun. I noticed a small passageway to my right with a familiar looking symbol at the end. Deviating from David I walked towards it to investigate, it was a small red diamond, about 8 inches tall, I had seen it in the Grotto. Whoever did that was here? Didn’t make any sense. I turned to yell to David “Hey look what I foun—

[Sound of cave collapsing.]

[Song – Buried Alive]

I fell to the floor of the cave as the cavern collapsed behind me, completely unable to hear David at this point. As panic began to set in, I reached out my arms. I brushed my hand along the wall of the cave, rough, but slick, from the blood from my palms. I felt a kind of fear that I don’t think I’ve ever felt before and hopefully won’t feel since. It started in my stomach and traveled to my throat, my hands, my legs. Fear is not really the right word; this might actually be what terror is. It was dark. Every breath I took felt heavy, probably from dust kicked up by the collapse. As I navigated the section I was in, I found my escape; a crawl space, significantly smaller than I was. As I laid down on the floor and tied my bag around my ankle. I reminded myself what David had told me: Move on the exhales. Feel your heartbeat. Calm your mind. [Heartbeat sound begins.]

I expelled all the air in my lungs and pushed forward. Pause. Breathe. Repeat. Each time I caught my breath it was a combination of relief and agony as the sharp walls of the cave compressed my body. After about 45 seconds of this I made one last push and… did not move. My bag was caught behind me, still tied around my ankles. I tried to reposition with no luck. Panicked, I twisted to try to reach for a better angle and as I moved, I felt a sharp, hot, {pain} enter my side right by my seventh rib. I tried to reach down reactively, unable to get my arm through, desperate I tried one more time. Pause. Breathe. Push. Tear. Relief.

I collapsed onto the floor of the new section I had entered breathing heavily now that I was finally able to, I reached down, hot and slick with the blood coming from my side. [Sighs.] I was exhausted. I laid there for what felt like forever. I heard you whispering. I looked around and I had entered a section of the cave with a moderately sized body of water on the side. Right on the edge of the water, was you. You were crying, or maybe I was. It felt like a funeral but it can’t’ve been because you’re dead and I’m in a cave. I knew from my research online that two factors were playing here, the first of which being oxygen, or lack thereof. You see, the level of depth we had reached in the cavern coupled with the collapse from earlier, I could almost taste the recycled breath as I inhaled. Maybe I imagined it but I could tell that I was getting woozy. The second thing, and probably more important and should’ve been first on the list in hindsight was the blood loss. I could still feel the pain from my side and it was slick all the way down to my legs. Apparently, hallucinations can be caused by a multitude of things, {Distortion: Hallucination. An experience involving the apparent perception of something not present.} lack of oxygen, the aforementioned shrooms earlier in the episode, blood flow or lack thereof in this case. It makes sense that I was hallucinating in my final moments and it makes sense that if I was going to see anybody, I’d see you. Struggling and unable to sit upright I crawled towards the grave and watched as you descended into the water, gone from my vision. I reached it and picked up the note.

Emily (Letter): Hi Matt. It’s me, it’s Emily. God, that is such a stupid way to open up a letter, obviously it’s me. My name is right there. I know it’s been a while since I last wrote. Too long, honestly. I feel a little bad about it actually. Almost a year, I think. But I know that if there’s one person who would understand {it would be you}. You always did seem to understand. I feel like I’m going crazy. I’m not sure if I ever really, fully got over you. And honestly, I’m feeling like I would be lucky if I… never did. Your visits make it harder. I’m sure that after enough sleep without you showing up, I’d eventually move on, but{-ut-ut}, honestly, {honestly.} I might be more scared of that than anything else that’s happened. You’re like a collapse at the entrance of a cave. You keep blocking the way of anyone else trying to get in. And, worst of all, I don’t want you to leave{-leave-leave.} Somehow, even dead you’re still better than anybody else left alive. Okay, this is probably going to sound crazy but, I’ve…felt you… more lately. I think you’re getting close. I’ll see you soon, okay? Yours forever, Emily.

Matt: I was familiar with this note. I hadn’t read it before but I had almost written the same one a thousand times since you’ve left. You spoke of loss, losing me, losing sanity, losing sleep. I thought about how unfair it was that we were both being punished for nothing. Me to live without you and you stuck to mourn me in death. I thought you were free but, maybe not. As I laid down next to the water, I noticed a small uneven light breaking through the surface, probably originating about 8 feet down but, there really was no way to tell. With newfound strength I pushed myself into the water. The first thing I realized was how cold it was. The Second thing I noticed was my blood pooling, changing the color. Pause. Don’t breathe. Push. Repeat. As I swam towards the light I thought of a lot of things. How I might be imagining it. I thought of you. I thought about how cold the water was when we crashed that night. Or… When I crashed. I thought about how sorry I am, and I thought about David. I reached the light.

Matt: Suddenly, no longer in the water I hit the ground hard, in the new room I had entered. {Echoes: Rough but slick.} Barely conscious I looked around, surveying my new surroundings. The first and last thing that caught my eye was a red diamond approximately eight inches in height about 20 feet away from me with a small dot in the center. I was in the Grotto. I passed out.

I woke up in a hospital bed. David was freaking out. Apparently, he had found a way out of the cave and gone looking for me all night. Somebody must’ve found me and brought me back to town although I have no memory of it. I tried to explain my hallucinations to him but none of it makes sense. The doctors confirmed the obvious. I had lost a substantial amount of blood plus with the lack of oxygen, I was in a bad way when they found me. I was in the hospital for about seven days. I’m not saying that it was a religious experience for me but I cried a lot thinking of what had happened. I realized that in all of my time missing you I hadn’t properly mourned you and it was time for me to do that, but more than anything else in that moment, I wanted to go home. I was tired. David drove. When we arrived at the apartment, I insisted I was fine. Much to Davids’s protest, he eventually left to go to work. I climbed the steps to the third floor and entered my apartment having been unlocked from the previous day. I walked into the apartment and immediately collapsed onto the floor; I didn’t want to move anymore. I laid on my back, took a deep breath, and thought of the cave. As terrified as I was in those moments, all I wanted to do now was hear you whisper again. After a very long moment I got up and forced myself into the shower. It’s weird to me how clean hospitals are but they still make you feel gross when you leave and I was in there for about an hour probably. Once I had finished and entered the living room, I noticed the bag that I had left by the door. It was the bag of everything I had on me when the hospital found me, plus my clothes they had changed me out of. I brought the bag with me to the kitchen and started throwing away everything cavern related. I realized spelunking is probably not for me considering my second time I almost died. It’s probably a sign I shouldn’t ignore. I reached in and pulled out my climbing bag which I left by the trash can to be taken out at a later date. I saw my clothes. It’s weird to me the hospital didn’t clean them. They were still caked in my blood. Mainly my pants. I reached into the pockets and started pulling my items out. My keys, my wallet, my phone. And… A note. It’s from you.

[End Theme Plays – Hush]

Athan: Thank you for listening to The Grotto. If you’d like to support the show, in order of least intrusive to most intrusive, you can give the show a 5-star rating on whatever podcast site you’re listening on; the next intrusive would be sharing it with your friends, either via social media, on Discord, or I Dunno, in person, ugh. The most intrusive option, for you, not for me, would be going to the Patreon, patreon.com/thegrottopod where you can get access to early instrumentals, some cover songs, as well as puzzles. Although I will say there is a puzzle specifically for this episode that you may have already seen or heard part of. So, I would… I dunno look around for that, there’s some bonuses behind that as well. I’d like to give a huge shoutout to Lyssa Jay as the voice of Emily. Their links can be found in the description as well as their podcast 400 Words A Horror also linked in the description, as well as on the website. I’d also like to thank Taylor Michaels for being the voice of David. Their links are also in the description as well as the website so show everybody some love and listen to some of their projects as well. Thanks for listening.

[Hush Ends.]

Athan: I need to make this outro shorter next time don’t I?

[Outro continues for another 36 seconds.]

Emily: Okay. C’mon Em, you can do this [Smacking sounds.]… Okay.

[Episode End.]