Athan (in song): [Sighs.] It’s Athan, it’s Episode 8 of The Grotto. Season Finale. I don’t- wanna do the intro… so… I dunno, let’s go.
Athan (in song): Warning: This episode contains themes of Violence, Claustrophobia, themes of the Occult, Self Harm (both mental and physical), Death and Loss, Blood and Gore, Alcohol and Substance Abuse, as well as Shouting and Loud Noises, timestamps in the description.
Alex: I just feel lost, y’know? I spent so much time with Jamie. She was basically my whole life for years. Since the breakup it’s like I don’t know what to do with myself.
Lillian: Look, Alex, I know you really liked her, but we saw the way she treated you. Nobody deserves to be spoken to that way! Like, I’m sorry you’re going through it like this, but… I don’t think any of us are sorry to see her go!
Alex: Yeah. I know, but I still miss her.
Lillian: I get it, and, it’s okay to feel that way, but remember, you’re not alone! You’ve got a lot of friends, and we all have your back. And, I know it’ll take some getting used to, but… I’m sure a life without a verbally abusive relationship has a lot to offer you.
Alex: That’s an interesting way of putting it. But thanks Lillian, talking to you always helps. I think I just need to hear some of that.
Lillian: You’re gonna be fine.
Lisa [slurring]: Bruce!
Lillian: Lisa!
Lisa [slurring]: Bruce! [Drunken laugh.] This is a great party! Your parties are the fucking best….
Lillian: It’s me, Lillian.
Lisa: [laughing] You’re- you’re so funny, Bruce
Lillian: Hey Susan? Susan, can you make sure Lisa drinks some water? Yeah? Thank you!
[Lisa laughs.]
Lillian: Oh hey um, she should probably eat something too. I think there’s crackers in the pantry. Thanks!
Lisa: Aww, thanks Bruce.
Lillian: You’re welcome honey.
Lisa (overlapping): I love crackers.
Lillian: How about I take that drink, and you sit down… There you go!
[Phone buzzes]
Lillian: Okay, I gotta take this call I’ll be right back.
Matt: Lillian… Lillian..
Lillian: Matt? Matt, why are you calling me?
Matt: Are you- are you there?
Lillian: Yeah, I’m still here.
Matt: Hello? It was an accident.. it’s- I..
Lillian: What? Hang on, hang on, it’s loud in here, one sec. ‘scuse me… coming through…
[Door shuts – party ambiance stops.]
Lillian: Okay, I’m here. What did- what did you say?
Matt: Ugh…Lily… There was… ah… we got in an accident, an accident… An accident.
Lillian: Hang on, what? I thought you were still here, are you- are you okay?
Matt: Emily’s… gone.
Lillian: What?
Matt: I don’t know…I… the car is in the water, and Emily’s…. in the car…
Lillian: The—Hang on, What?
Matt (overlapping): In the water. I didn’t-I didn’t- I didn’t do it.
Therapist: Okay Matt, uh- where should we begin today?
Matt: Well, I keep replaying the accident, over [Therapist: Mhm.] and over in my head. It’s like, all I can think about is what could’ve been different, and I just wish I could change… e-everything.
Therapist: Mhm. When you replay the accident, what feelings come up for you?
Matt: Grief, I guess? And guilt? I mean, it feels like it’s my fault. I mean, I was driving, right? And I was… I was… I dunno.
Therapist: Why don’t you tell me about Emily, and what she meant to you?
Matt: I mean, Emily was… she… was everything to me. She’s smart, funny, kind. She was a… stabilizing person for me. I was the opposite for her. Maybe that’s part of where the grief is coming from? I mean, I made the first move, right? If we had just stayed friends, she’d be alive, and she’d be with me. She would’ve been better off…She would’ve been better off if I had just left things alone, honestly.
Therapist: Losing someone close to you can bring up a mix of intense emotions, including guilt. How have you been coping with these feelings?
Matt: Well, I mean, I’ve been drinking a lot. There’s some drug use, uh, and I’ve shut myself off from everyone in my life. Does that count as coping?
Therapist: I would count it as unhealthy coping. [Matt: Yeah that’s- that’s fair.] You mentioned you were shutting yourself off—how has this affected your relationships with others?
Matt: I mean, not well. I mean, there’s Lillian—that’s Emily’s sister—we were really close before- before the accident, but now everything’s different. I think she blames me and honestly, that makes sense. We were part of the same friend group, even before Emily and I got together. Lillian was always like the cool aunt of the friend group: responsible, but also fun. She took care of everyone, she’s the first person any of us would talk to when something really bad happened. But now it’s like there’s this wall between us.
Therapist: It sounds like you miss your friendship with Lillian. Have you attempted to reach out to her?
Matt: I mean, I’ve thought about it, but every time I’m about to call her, I just… freeze up. The last time I talked to Lillian on the phone, I told her her sister was dead, and… I-I guess I’m just scared of what she might say, or… even worse, that she’d say nothing. I think it’s just better if I give her space.
Therapist: What do you think you would want to say to Lillian, if you could?
Matt: I… I guess I’d tell her that I’m sorry. That I miss our friendship. And that I’d give anything to change what happened.
Therapist: Expressing those feelings to Lillian could be an important step in your healing process, Matt.
Matt: I mean, I guess, but again—what if I- what If I just make things worse?
Therapist: That fear is understandable. You certainly shouldn’t feel compelled to reach out if its feeling too difficult to bridge that gap. We’ve touched a lot on how you’re experiencing feelings of guilt and fear. It’s important to keep exploring these emotions, especially when they’re fresh on your mind. When you’re alone, would you be willing to start journaling your feelings?
Matt: I mean, all we’ve been talking about are my feelings? Isn’t that… kind of the point of therapy? We talk and then I feel better?
Therapist: I think it would be beneficial for you. Documenting your feelings can give you more perspective. It can help you identify emotional patterns and better regulate how you experience them. This can also make it easier to communicate how you feel to others. Okay, so we’ve talked a lot about Emily and Lillian. Is there anyone else in your life, maybe a friend or a coworker?
Matt: I mean, not really. I’m kind of… spending all my time alone now…at the- Well—there’s this guy, David. I haven’t told you about him. He started hanging around our friend group right before the accident. He’s stayed in touch here and there, but lately he’s been inviting me to hang out, mostly outdoorsy stuff, like hiking. He’s- he’s a really good guy, but I’m not sure. it’s not exactly my kind of thing.
Therapist: I see. and, do you consider self medicating and isolation, ‘your thing’?
Matt: I mean, wow, um, yeah, point taken. But are- are you allowed to roast me like that? Like, I don’t—
Therapist: This is my office, so yes, I’m allowed. But I’m not roasting you. I just want to point out that you may be focusing on the wrong thing. Loneliness and isolation are significant risk factors for mental health, and sharing experiences with someone may help you regain a sense of social support. I believe it will be worth the price of… going outside.
Matt: I guess. It would be nice to not feel… alone, anymore.
David (call): Hey, Matty! Sorry for calling again, but something weird happened last night, and I thought you should know. So, that Ambrose guy felt off, right? After you and I talked last night, I did a little background check, just to make sure he wasn’t on some kind of… list? But there’s nothing. We’re talking no public records, no social media, nothing. and then he showed up at my door. And told me to stop trying to find him. Before I could even say anything, he just ran off into the night. The dude was fucking weird, and I dont like it. I don’t even think his name is really Ambrose! How the fuck does he know where I live? Look, anyways, I bought a baseball bat, I’ve been keeping it by the front door. I didn’t wanna like, call you, I know you needed space, I didn’t wanna worry you, but… I just wanted to let you know in case he pops up again. I’m getting a really bad feeling, and I just think we need to be careful. Anyways, I’ll talk to you later hopefully? Please stay safe.
[Phone ringing.]
Matt: Sorry David. [He declines the call] Not- not now.
Matt (Voiceover): We’re on our way to the hardware store to pick up some spray paint. Ambrose said his graffiti at the Grotto needs two more diamonds before it’s ready. I’m not sure I understand what this has to do with getting you back, but then again, most things haven’t really been making sense lately.
Matt: Ambrose, just humor me this once, why do you even care about getting Emily back? You don’t strike me as someone who would be helping out of the goodness of their heart.
Ambrose: {It doesn’t matter.} You’re going to get what you want, and that should be good enough for you.
Matt: Okay, let’s see, I got Agent Blue… No. Indigo.. No, fuck. it’s, m’kay, here, Cerulean Blue okay, Ambrose, I got it—
Ambrose (overlapping): No, no, no… [clattering of cans.]
Matt: Ambrose, whoa, what the fuck are you doing? Bro, you’re gonna get us kicked out of the fucking store, thats not how you shop, you’re just knocking shit on the floor.
[A single can clatters.]
Matt: Okay, you’re a toddler, okay, somehow I forgot that you’re completely unreasonable.
Ambrose: Oh, there you are. Garnet. This is what we need. You take the red. There’s a chamber under the Library. Go to the largest stalactite, the diamond needs to be near the point facing the exit. Are you getting this?
Matt: Yeah, I’m getting it, but what does the library have to do with your piece in the Grotto?
Ambrose: Just do it. You’ll see.
Matt: Wait, where are you going?
Ambrose: I’m taking the blue to Shade’s End. Then I’ll make sure she’s ready.
Matt: This had better work.
Ambrose: It will. If you do your part. Meet me at the Grotto when you’re done.
[Receding Footsteps]
Matt [to himself]: This fucking guy, I swear to God…
Lillian: Matt?
Matt: Oh, hi, um, hey! Lillian, what’s uh, what’s up?
Lillian: Picking up a deadbolt for a friend. What are you doing here?
Matt: Oh, I’m uh, uh just working on a [he rattles the spray can] art project, y’know?
Lillian: Art, huh? Cool. I’ll leave you to it.
Matt: Wait! uh, Lillian, can we talk?
[Background Song – Lillian’s Upset]
Lillian: No, I don’t think this is the right place for… all of that.
Matt: No, please Lillian, I- listen, I know I shut down there for a while, but I’m… better. We- we used to be good, and see each other all the time, and I just hate how everything is between us, and there’s this-there’s this tension—
Lillian: I said no, Matt.
Matt: But—Why, why are you being cold with me like this? It’s been tough for me too since… since the accident. Can you at least tell me why you’re treating me like this?
Lillian: You really need to ask why? Maybe it’s because you killed my sister. And you’re still trying to make it all about you! And you know, I was at that party. I saw how much you were drinking. You crashed the car, so stop calling it an accident.
Matt: Lillian, I’m- I’m sorry—
Lillian: I don’t care!
Matt: But I’m- I’m clean now! I haven’t drank in a long time, and I’ve been going to therapy, so I don’t-
Lillian: All you’ve done is find something else to obsess over. Look at yourself! Fuck, what you’re doing is clearly not good for you.
Matt: I’m not—
Lillian: Don’t. I overheard you talking to that guy. Art project? I don’t know what you’re getting into, but it’s pretty obvious you’re getting into some weird shit in the caves. If you would just slow down long enough to filter your behavior through a single fucking braincell you would see that your choices affect other people too! And you know what’s funny? At first, Emily didn’t feel right about getting together with you. She was worried about how unstable you were. But I thought she was just being uptight, I could tell she liked you, so I talked her into it!
Matt: Well you know what Lillian, maybe it sounds like you shouldn’t have fucking done that, then.
Lillian: You’re telling me!
Matt: So thats just it then, our friendship completely gets thrown in the trash, and I’m left all on my own, to just, pick up the pieces, like I didn’t fucking lose someone too.
Lillian: You don’t get to play the pity card on me. You made decisions, people got hurt, and everyone else has to pick up the pieces. It’s a pattern with you, that hasn’t changed. God only knows how long David will put up with your shit. Here’s to hoping he comes out alright.
Matt: Okay, under the library, big stalactite. That, that must be it. Needs a red diamond facing the exit. Augh, what the fuck am I doing. Fucking Lillian dude, fucking bitch as always, doesn’t even take time to listen and realize that I’m doing this for you. Okay, that’s uh, that’s high, I should’ve brought a ladder. Okay, this formation seems sturdy enough. [Matt starts climbing the helictite, shattering noises.] Okay well, fuck, here goes, [more cracking noises] okay, ah fuck, shit, maybe not so sturdy, okay, careful…
[Cave Music – Better Places (Mom’s Theme)]
Matt: Uh. Okay, that’s weird. Whatever, fucking, [sprays spraypaint] there. That uh- I guess that should be it, I guess.
David: Matt?! What are you doing?
Matt: Fuck! [shattering/crumbling noise] Oh, fuck. It’s okay, David, I’m, I’m okay.
David: Are you fucking kidding me?! What the fuck is wrong with you!?
Matt: No, it’s fine, I promise, my stitches didn’t open, it’s—
David: That was a helictite formation, it probably took thousands of years to grow that big!
Matt: I’m, I’m sorry David, I didn’t realize it was—
David: What are you even doing down here?! You were supposed to call me today, we were gonna talk, you were gonna tell me what the fuck’s been going on!
Matt: What am I doing down here? What about what you’re doing down here, why are you following me?!
David: I’m not following you, Matt! I come down here all the time! This place is important to me! It was important to me, until you fucking broke it!
Matt: David, I-
David: No, Matt, shut up and listen! For once. I told you that I’ve been caving for a long time. I told you that it helps me relax. But I didn’t tell you everything. And maybe that’s my fault, but Matt, my mom and I used to come down here together. Before she… This spot was important to her. It is important to her. And she shared it with me, in her last few months. I didn’t get to keep much from her—we didn’t have a lot—but the one thing I did get to keep were those moments. Those moments right at the end. And I come down here to talk to her and listen to the caverns. It… it used to sound like music… Matty, when I’m in the caves around town, it used to make me think of my mom. But lately, every time i’m in here, I just see you on the ground, fucking bleeding. I know you were… attacked. So it isn’t entirely your fault, but there are consequences to your decisions, Matty, and whenever you do something stupid and reckless down here, my mom dies all over again for me! And I can’t stand it anymore, and I need you to promise me that you’re done with this!
Matt: …David… I’m, I’m sorry. What can I do?
David: Honestly I just think I need to be alone right now.
[Song – Everywhere, Everything – Noah Kahan Cover]
Zach: Bingrito for David?
David: Thanks Zach.
[Phone ringing]
David: Hello?
Lillian: Hey David. It’s Lillian.
David: Hey, Lillian. How are you?
Lillian: Not great, actually.
David: Oh I’m- I’m sorry to hear that. What’s going on?
Lillian: So… Matt and I ran into each other this morning at the hardware store. We talked and it didn’t go well.
David: This was about Emily?
Lillian: Yeah, it got heated. Anyway, you seem to really care for him, so you should know: I don’t think he’s okay. You may wanna check on him.
David: Honestly, I don’t think he’s okay either. I just ran into him, and… he’s a bit of a mess right now. Are you okay?
Lillian: I’ll get there. It’s just… I’ve had some bad feelings about Matt, for a while, and I just completely unloaded on him all at once.
David: I uh, I might’ve done the same thing.
Lillian: You know, we used to be tight, and I still love Matt, but I really don’t like him anymore. It’s… tough, y’know?
David: Yeah. I’m sorry.
Lillian: Thanks. David, you should know, I think he was going to The Grotto. He was with a guy, and I think they were talking about meeting up there.
David: Oh you’re fucking kidding me. The guy Matt was with, can you describe him to me?
[Cut.]
Matt: Alright, I’m here. What’s that sound?
Ambrose: The Grotto. It’s working.
Matt: Are we safe in here? This sounds like a cave-in could happen any minute.
Ambrose: It’ll be fine. Any problems on your side?
Matt: No. It’s done. What was the point of all this, anyways?
Ambrose: You see, up there? The diamonds. It’s all here. It’s a culmination. It all traces back to The Grotto. And this is where Emily will break through.
Matt: You know, it’s hard to tell if you’re really trying to help me understand this, but if you are, you’re doing a really shit job.
Ambrose: Just trust me, it works. Now we need to wait. Although, It looks like you missed a spot. Give me your knife.
Matt: Um, okay, here you go.
Ambrose: Thanks.
[He slashes Matt with the knife]
Matt: Aw, fuck! My hand—why did you do that?
Ambrose: I needed some red to touch this up. Stop whining.
Matt: Then tell me, why didn’t you use the fucking [he rattles the spray can] spray paint!
Ambrose: Oh. Right. Um… Oops?
David: Matt? [He approaches.] Matty, God damn it, what the fuck are you doing? Do you not hear that, it’s not safe here!
Ambrose: Oh, great. The Guardian Angel arrives.
Matt: David, what are you doing here?
David: You told me you weren’t caving with him. You promised me that you were done with this. Matt, what happened to your hand?
Matt: David, it’s—I didn’t really promise- I mean, shit, It’s fine.
David: It’s fine? Did he just cut you?
Matt: I mean it’s, yeah, but—
David: It’s him, isn’t it? Is he the one who attacked you before?
Ambrose: Oh my God, Matt, we don’t have time for this.
David: You shut the fuck up, I’m talking to Matt.
Ambrose: Well Matt’s feeding you a line of bullshit.
Matt: Listen-Stop, it’s fine, David, I’m really, it’s fine, we have it under control, I need you to get out of here.
David: Matt, what is he talking about?
Matt: Nothing! And no, Ambrose- Ambrose didn’t attack me.
David: He just did! And-and you said you didn’t see who attacked you before, so why are you telling me now that it wasn’t him?
Matt: Because, David, it was me! I did it, but it was for—
David: God damn it, Matty!
Matt: Listen, I can’t explain this in a way that will make sense to you right now, but you need to leave, please, trust me.
David: How can you ask me to trust you? You keep lying!
Ambrose: You’re complicating things.
Matt: Wait, what are you doing, stop—
Ambrose: Get out. {Before this gets messy.}
Matt: Stop, don’t—
David: Matt, get away from him. And you need to put the knife down.
Ambrose: Look, tough guy, I’ve spent too much time and energy to get this far, and I’m not gonna let you jeopardize it. Now {get out.}
David: Matty, get back! I’m not leaving without Matt, put the knife down.
Ambrose: I’ll put the knife down your {boyfriend if} you don’t get out.
David: You stay the fuck away from him!
Matt (overlapping): No, David, don’t!
[General sounds of kerfuffle]
[The knife clatters on the ground]
David: Get the knife Matt, keep it away from him!
Ambrose: Get the fuck off me!
Matt (overlapping): No, David, I need his help!
David: Fuck!
Matt: Okay, I got the knife, stop, just—stop!
[The knife hits flesh]
[David cries out]
Whispers: He did it. It’s done. Good Job.
Matt: No! David, David, oh no, no, oh nonono,I’m sorry. fuck I didn’t mean to, please get up, just get up, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…
Ambrose (overlapping): Oh, fuck, he hits really hard.
Matt: It’s okay baby, I’m here.
Ambrose: Forget about him, we’re running out of time. Do you still have the wallet?
Matt: Fuck, Um—yeah, it’s right here.
Ambrose: Press it to the center diamond. The opening.
Matt: Okay, okay, fuck. Okay.
Whispers: Rough but Slick
[Ominous shift]
Matt: What?… What happened? Ambrose? Am-Ambrose? Where the, oh, where the fuck did he go? Fuck, David, cmon. David, please, I-I’m gonna get you out of here, fuck. [crying]
Emily: Matt?
Matt: Emily?
Emily: {I can help you.}
[You Are My Sunshine – Jimmie Davis Cover]
[Outro – Hush Instrumental]
Athan: Thank you so much for listening to the first season of the Grotto. Huge shout out to all our guests in order of appearance: We have Louis as Alex in the beginning. We have Jenah as the librarian, just drunk and at a party this time, also in the beginning of the episode. We have the wonderful David Ault as Dr. Callum, the therapist. And we have Hayden’s brother, Ron, as Zach, from Bing Bong Burritos. Additionally as always we have the wonderful Taylor Michaels as David, Lyssa Jay as Emily, Derek as Ambrose, and Natalie as Lillian. Also I’m Matt. We’re going to take a brief break to finish Season 2, and info on the release date will be on our website, on Twitter, and in the Discord. Thanks for listening.
OUTTAKES:
– Derek: Forget about him, we’re running out of time. Do you still have the diamond? God damn it! The wallet! No!
– Taylor Michaels: [Groaning] Okay I think- Is that enough? Can I be done? Is that enough, please? [He laughs.] [Groaning continues.]
– Taylor Michaels: That was a helicktite format- HelictiteFuck! [Hearty laugh.] God damn it!
– Taylor Michaels: And whenever you do something stupis- stupis and recklid. [Chuckle.] Fuck.
– Taylor Michaels: These words are already losing all meaning. What is the name Zach? That’s a weird name right? Zach. Zzzach.
– Taylor Michaels: Bingrito… [Chuckles.]
– Ron: Bingrito for Tyler.
Hayden (In background): David! You fuck!
Ron: Oh! Shit sorry!
– Taylor Michaels: Oh yeah, this is gonna be good. [Deepest inhale followed by the smallest ah. sound]
– [Punching sounds, interrupted by a burp, followed by a final punch.]
Taylor Michaels: [Laughing to himself.] Just fuckin burp in Ambrose’s face.
– Athan: He’s stayed in touch here and there, but lately he’s been viti- [Sighs and starts mumbling.]
– Lyssa Jay: Oh my fucking god! Matt! You fucking- Ohhh my god.