Athan: Warning: This episode contains themes of Violence, Gore, and Claustrophobia. In addition, this episode also contains graphic depictions of Physical and Mental Self Harm, and descriptions of the repercussions of these actions. Listener discretion is strongly advised. Thanks for listening.
Emily {and overlapping voice}: I still can’t believe this is real, Matt. {Wake up.}… it doesn’t make sense. {Wake up.} I cannot believe you did this. {Wake up.} How Could you leave me like this? {Wake up.} How could you be so careless Matt? {Wake up.} I’d do… anything to have you back with me. {Wake up.} Find me.
[An alarm clock beeps, then is shut off.]
[Matt coughs twice. He clears his throat. He brushes his teeth, makes some toast, makes some coffee, then sighs.]
[Theme Plays – Hush.]
Matt: I can’t keep going on like this. I guess this… is the gamble you take when you fall in love with somebody. By nature someone has to go first. I-I-I guess I just always assumed it’d be me. I constantly make bad decisions. I guessed wrong. I forgot those decisions could affect you. Everyone told me that time heals, that eventually it would hurt less. Why doesn’t it hurt less? Because I’m still here alone and you’re still showing up and I don’t know how to reach you and I don’t know what to do. It’s not fair, it’s fucked up and I’m just… I’m not happy, I’m mad and I do— [Deep breath.] I keep seeing you… and I don’t know how to explain it but, at The Grotto it’s different, in the caves it’s different and there’s gotta be a reason. It’s new, it’s not memories, it’s- it’s.. it’s current and I don’t have a good explanation—it sounds crazy but it’s- it has to be real, it has to mean something because if it’s not- if it’s not real and you’re not there I- [Voice breaking.] I can’t go through it again. I keep having to bury you everyday.
[Sounds of Matt crying, followed by a deep breath.]
Matt: There has to be a commonality. If I can just isolate the moments, just find out why you’re showing up and connect the threads, maybe I can follow them back to you. What does each moment have in common…? I need a break.
[Song – Coping]
[Cut.]
[Phone ringing.]
Matt (Voicemail): Hey, it’s Matt, I’m not able to come to the phone right now, but leave me a message and I will call you back! Thanks, bye.
David: Hey Matty! Uh, I was thinking about hitting the beach today, wanted to see if you wanted to come with. I’m not like, swimming or anything, but I’m really feeling like walking on some sand, hearing some seagulls, you know, catching all those sunny, sunny vibes. Anyway just uh, just let me know! Byeeee!
[Phone ringing.]
Matt (Voicemail): —I will call you back! Thanks, bye.
David: Hey Matty, it’s me again. Just wanted to make sure you got my message before I head out. Give me a ring when you can? I hope everything’s cool.
Matt (Voicemail): —I will call you back!
David: Hey, it’s me again… again. I didn’t hear from you so I went ahead on my own. It’s a really nice day out. Anyways, I’m trying not to sound needy, it’s totally cool if you don’t wanna hang out, or talk, or whatever, but it’s not normal for you to be radio silent like this. Can you just let me know you’re okay? So I can stop worrying? I-I hope you’re good! Bye.
David: Okay, Matty, it is not like you at all to ghost me like this. I’m gonna head over to your place now to check on you. I’m sorry if I’m being extra, I’ll keep my phone handy in case you call me on the way. Hopefully I’ll see you soon. Okay, bye.
David: [shouting] Matty? [to the phone] I’m outside of your house. [shouting] I’m yelling at your door! [to the phone] I don’t see you inside, but if I don’t hear from you in a minute, I’m gonna come in. So, y’know, don’t- don’t shoot?
David: Well uh you didn’t answer, so I… let myself in. I’m sorry about your screen door, I’ll pick up a replacement. Anyways, you aren’t here. I really hope you’re okay, and that I’m gonna look like a complete dork when you see all these messages, just please, please call me when you get these?
[Cut.]
[Footsteps.]
Matt: Okay. So, after much deliberation, and by much I mean impulsively running here without telling anybody, I have a… plan. Well, I don’t know if I’d say plan, necessarily, but I have the outline of a plan. It’s in the infant stages, alright? I realized that every time I’ve seen you it’s been here. In the caverns. So I thought to myself, What would Emily do? The answer is some field tests. I’m not sure exactly why, and I can’t quite explain it, but I have to go back to the cavern and the collapse. It’s where I first saw you, where I found the note, it just makes the most sense? And ever since, there’s been this… scratching in my brain. There’s this {small voice in the background} urging me back. I won’t ever be able to move on, until I investigate it, and the cavern in particular has to be special.
{Distorted Voice: A small passageway to my right.}
Matt: Alright. Last time I was here, a psychopath attacked me in the caves, so I figured the most direct route is through.
{Distorted Voice: Red diamond, about 8 inches tall.}
Matt: Obviously, there are rocks blocking my way, but that’s why I brought a pickaxe.
[Sound of Pickaxe hitting stone.]
[Cut.]
[Phone Ringing.]
Lillian: Hello?
David: Hey, Lillian, it’s- it’s David.
Lillian: Hi David, what’s up?
David: Look, honestly, I’m freaking out a little bit, Matty isn’t answering his phone, and I’m really starting to worry. Is there any chance you know where he is?
Lillian: Oh… No. I dunno. Matt and I haven’t really… talked in a while. This is… somewhat normal for him. Sorry.
David: Oh, uh, really? Okay, damn. I’m sorry for bugging you, I’ll let you know when I find him.
Lillian: Hang on, let me check something… So, he’s still sharing his location with me. It looks like he’s by the bay, you want me to send you the pin?
David: Wait, you said he’s by the bay? Oh, no fuck. Fuck, fuck, by the bay, fuck me.
Lillian: What’s wrong?
David: Okay uh, I know where he is, I’m going, please Lillian, can you be available if I need to call you again?
[Cut.]
Matt: I picked through the rubble, carving a path until I reached the chamber with the pool, and… you weren’t there. I-I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong, it can’t just be random, there has to be something I’m missing. Okay, what else- what else can I do? Okay, Okay, you- you found a way. You’ve been writing me letters. Everything’s involved letters. So maybe, if I write you a letter, I can get it through. Maybe I can send it, like a post office and it’ll-it’ll reach you. Yeah, okay, okay okay, let me try, aw fuck I never write anything down, let me try writing a letter. I got something here. Oh fuck, did I—okay, yeah. Okay.
Matt (Letter): Dear Emily, I’ve never written you a letter, once, in our entire relationship. I think one time I said paper was stupid? I dunno, but I’ve been feeling lost, and disconnected from you, since you… died. This is stupid. I’ve been seeing you. and I miss you. And you’ve shown yourself a couple times, and I just wanted to let you know that I hear you, and I see you, and… I need you, so I can move on. Can you reply? Let me know that you got this? I love you. Matt.
Matt: When I finished, I set the written letter on the rock and watched in silence. I guess I hoped you’d come out of the water to get it eventually. You didn’t. I looked into the pool. [Sound of heartbeat thumping begins.]The light I saw the other day was gone. I reached my hand into the frigid water, sending ripples, hoping they would get your attention, but… nothing. Where- where did the light go? Maybe… there’s still something down there, maybe you’re down there. I need- I need to get in there, hold on… [Heartbeat sound shifts into intense music.] Okay. Fucking boots, okay.
[Splash, whining sounds as if someone is holding their breath, music speeding up.]
Matt [gasping]: Fuck, fuck, okay, I felt the bottom. Fuck, I felt the bottom, theres nothing, oh fuck, it’s cold. I don’t get it what- what the fuck am I supposed to do? Fuck! Where the fuck are you, fuck! God damn it! God damn it, fuck! [Starts crying.] [Yells at the top of his lungs.]
[Cave shifts.]
Matt: Okay, the cave… The caves collapse. The caves. The vibrations can make the caves collapse. Okay, the cave in, Okay, that’s it, wait, that’s it, that’s it, that’s it, being in the cave isn’t enough, I need to be buried. I need to be, I need to be buried. Okay, wait. Okay. Okay. I just need to—crawl in—fuck, I made it too big, I made the cavern too big, fuck. Okay, I need- I need, to fucking, just- just, I need to make it smaller, fuck, where’s the fucking pickaxe, fuck. [Matt heaving the pickaxe, sound of pickaxe striking stone repeatedly.] Fucking god damn it, fucking cave, fuck! Okay, okay, this has, this has to be it, this has to be it. I was stuck- I was stuck, [pickaxe strikes again] I was stuck before I saw you, and before the car, I-I wedged myself into that crevice trying to get away from that fucking maniac. Just, this makes sense. This has to be it. I was stuck- I was stuck before I saw you, and before the car, I wedged myself in that crevice trying to get away from that fucking maniac [pickaxe strikes again]. This makes sense. This has to be it. The cave wants me closer to it before it’ll bring me to you [pickaxe strikes again.] This is- This is it.
Matt (Voiceover): I jammed my pickaxe into the wall, digging until I had carved an alcove big enough to fit my body. I stepped inside and kept hitting, letting the dirt and stone pile up around me, and when I was close to losing the mobility of my arms to the pile up, I swung hard above me, and the ceiling fell.
[Ceiling falls.]
Matt (Voiceover): Pause. Breathe. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
Matt: I-I can’t. I can’t- I can’t breathe.
[Matt digging his way out.]
Matt: [Gasping/pained laughter.] Fuck, fuck. God fucking damn it. Where are you? Why won’t- why won’t anything work?
Matt (Voiceover): I slumped down next to the pool. I had opened most of the stitches on my side. The blood left a trail of warmth down my shivering body, pooling onto the rock, rough, but slick, and dripping into the water, changing the color. My blood was quickly lost to the darkness of the water. My blood. There’s always been blood when I’ve seen you, is-is that it? Is that what I’m missing? Maybe there’s like a- there’s a historical precedent for… blood sacrifice, right? Right, yeah okay, okay. I checked my wound again, my shirt nearly soaked through with red, my fingers shuddered from the cold as I moved them into the oozing blood and then to the water. The color was quickly lost again. I needed more. I lifted my shirt over the wound. I gritted my teeth through the throbbing pain as I dug my fingers inside, tearing the remaining stitches out, releasing thicker streams of blood. I leaned over, dripping it into the pool. I was getting colder. The shaking was getting worse. I reached for my jacket, hoping to preserve what little body heat I had left, and as I pulled it from the ground—
[Clattering noise.]
Matt (Voiceover): It was my knife. The one I had lost. The one that psychopath took yesterday.
Ambrose (Flashback): Do you like knives?
Matt (Voiceover): I took it in my hand. It felt heavier than I remembered.
Ambrose (Flashback): Cut off a finger. {Whispers: Cut off, cut off, cut off…}
Matt (Voiceover): I kneeled over the rock.
Ambrose (Flashback): Could you do it? {Echoing Whispers: Cut off… it’s fine, just do it, do it, do it.}
Matt (Voiceover): I placed my hand down. {Whispers: Could you do it?-do it? Do it, do it. He’s not-he’s not-he’s not gonna do it.}
[Sound of Matt cutting off his finger.]
[High pitched ringing, followed by whimpering.]
[Song – If You Could See Me Now (Proud)]
Matt [weakly]: Where are you? Emily? David? Anybody, please? Please, please, please. I might’ve fucked up. I’m sorry.
[Approaching footsteps.]
David [calling out]: Matty?
[David running over.]
David: Matt, oh my god, are you alright? You—fucking idiot. It’s okay baby, I’m here. Oh, no, no, nonono, oh- fuck, Matt. Okay, okay. Okay, okay, just stay with me. Matt, Matt, stay with me. Stay with me, I’m gonna get you out of here, okay? Please.
[Hush – Acoustic]
Athan: Athan is Matt, Taylor Michaels is David, Lyssa Jay is Emily, Derek is Ambrose, and Natalieisdreaming is Lillian. We’ll see you after the break.
[Episode End.]